I can honestly own up to living every possible emotion before entertaining the idea of moving to another country for a boyfriend.
Who does that?! In the games we all play in modern relationships, who in their right mind signs up for five months of long distance with no physical contact or visits? You can't do that! It's against the rules! Who moves to a country they know next to nothing about, on the other side of the world? I don't speak the language, how will I get a job, we haven't been together for that long, he's from a different hemisphere!
Who does that?!
*Hand straight up* Yes! Right here, that's me.
This journey (I really hate that word, every time I see it I feel like a contestant on Masterchef or So You Think You Can Dance) has so far not been without its ups and downs - by the way I haven't even left yet.
5 MONTHS!!! Anyone who has ever actually had a decent crack at long distance will probably relate to what I'm talking about - respect to all those ladies out there with loved ones in the defence forces. Any of my previous attempts at long distance ended with my own self sabotage and an arrogant "stuff this, I can be happier than this" attitude. How can I be doing this, entertaining this notion again? Is it too late to back out now? Is he as in this as I am? Am I really one of those 'do anything for love' people? Gross.
These are just a few of the thousands of questions that go through your head when taking on such a leap and then begins the process of the separation itself. Upon reflection this time for me and the attitudes and events that have occurred within it can be narrowed down into 5 fairly distinctive phases. (If you shake your head in disgust or disbelief at times whilst reading this, believe me, I used to think I was a pretty confident, relaxed and in control of my emotions type of person. Long distance can just prey on your 'crazy bitch' tendencies, however minimal....doesn't it?).
Phase 1: Initial devastation. He's gone. That corny airport goodbye may be the last time you see eachother. Ever. Is this crazy enough to work? Time to swallow that big old lump in your throat and get used to single life without actually being single. Duration - approximately 2 weeks.
Phase 2: Girly Independence. Girlfriends are those great things that come out in force in a time of crisis such as this, promising coffees, distraction, wine, more wine and movie nights with no romance in sight! You are never short of someone to eat pizza or enjoy cocktails with. A Wednesday night dinner and wine chat with a girlfriend can EASILY turn into a midweek bender. Duration - 2 months.
Phase 3: Insecurity and Overcompensation. OMG I haven't spoken to him for THREE DAYS!! He's forgotten about me. What did that IM comment mean? I know girls are hitting on him, he's told me! No. I trust him without question. Clingy, lovesick messages that your independent persona would definitely shake her head at become regular email banter. Definitely my (and I'm willing to bet, the man in question's) least favourite phase of separation. Duration - 1-2 months.
Phase 4: The Rut. You're most of the way through the time apart, but it's still far enough away that you can't overly think about it. You're saving money constantly. Between work and study you hardly leave the house. Buying groceries becomes an overly enjoyable experience. Your roommates receive an unending stream of 'No Thank-yous' to their invitations. You watch an unhealthy amount of tv series. You stop wearing makeup. You're less worried if you don't communicate with the boy regularly. Skype becomes less of a priority. You simply just, be. Limbo. Duration - 1 month.
Phase 5: The End of the Road. As the Boyz II Men song suggests - it's unnatural. Your leap is almost here. Rather than the butterflies and adrenaline pumping before a skydive or bungee, it's an overload of love sickness, romance and Bryan Adams. Yes, many can attest that Mr. Bryan Adams has almost singlehandedly gotten me through this last phase with his "All for love" attitude and by psyching me up and out of "The Rut" phase for what is to come. You're almost there, your visa is in, insurance paid, flights booked, moved out, furniture stored, have resigned from the job, study is almost over, you've finished the language course. Your friends make comments like "Oh wow. I had actually forgotten what you looked like with makeup on. It's been SO LONG." This is it.
After every possible emotion - I'm not playing it safe anymore. Have I ever played it safe? Some particularly ..not..well thought out...experiences and choices come to mind. Falling asleep on the New York subway uptown to Harlem maybe....
In the end all of my thought processes simply come back to my post title. Be happy or be wise. Either outcome, not really so bad! As hard as everything has been I'm still pretty damn happy. I just HAVE to go out on the proverbial Danish limb, that's where my fruit is! Or maybe I should be saying it's where the rugbrød is....I speak some Danish now after all, I'm all up with this stuff, woohoo!
Next time I'll be able to tell you all about the corny airport reunion - my 40 hour journey to a certain man is calling me. Am hoping this blog can record some of those incredible travel experiences that I have otherwise unrecorded, as well as assuring family and friends that I'm still alive and blissful all the way up there.
Until next time-
Loz
